undelivered mail to ayah

I don't know how to begin. Your visit to Boulder in December 1997 for my graduation was the last visit, and at the same time bid farewell to me forever. It was about 8 years ago since you left us. I can still remember every moment of it.

I have no other choice, but to be tough for Mak. It was real tough when I wanted to grief but at the same time I must be strong for Mak.

I was in the hospital with you while I was supposed to be at the graduation hall. That's OK. I was more worried about you. Never in my mind, I will call and ride the 911 ambulance. That was the day. I can still remember how you were struggling till your last moment.

I was expected to bring back my scroll at the end of my graduation. But in actual fact, I brought back with me - my late father and the scroll.

Last night after almost 8 years of denial, I broke down.

You were there for me, but you were never there. You were the pillar of the family and the backbone providing me with whatever I asked of you. It hurts when I can't share my success and sadness with you. And I grieved for the missing caresses. You frowned or smiled, but never showed your true feelings. I know you were proud of me, even you didn't had a chance to say a word to me during my graduation.

Semoga Ayah ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman.

Al-Fatihah.

Adik