notes to myself

When I'm critical of another person, when I see his behavior as a "fault," my attitude includes these feelings: I think of him as one thing (instead of having many parts). I dislike him. I "just can't understand" his action. I think he "knows better". And I think he has a choice. If I feel this way I am in reality seeing my own self-condemnation. "Fault" means failure to meet a standard. Whose? Mine.

Another person's behavior is "bad" or "understandable" according to my experience with myself. My feeling of censure means that if I had acted that way I would think of myself as selfish, opinionated, immature, etc. A part of me wants to act that way or thinks of myself as acting that way and condemns this. If I could see clearly why I also behave like that, or want to, and was no longer attacking myself for it, I wouldn't be critical of this person now.

I'm getting upset because there is something in me I don't understand and haven't yet accepted. At least, I know he doesn't and haven't. Why now, after so long?