must be from a constipate husband

Wisecrack about wife

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
--David Bissonette

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-- Dumas

The great question, which I have not been able to answer is, "What does a woman want?
-- Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
--Sam Gromwell

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran

"The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much."
--Col. in Chapman

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-- Rodney Dangerfield

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
-- Patrick Murray

My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.
-- Stanley Greaves

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his check book open.
-- Groucho Marx

My wife only has two complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet space.
-- Crasto

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

The-Jamie drives home with big smiles.