remembering ayah (1949 - 1997)

Memory is a mind game. You think you remember what happened years ago in your life, but it takes hard mental digging to recall how it really was. Sometimes you may be right on target; other times distortion clouds the memory. Yet, there are certain events where the mood of the moment remains and can come back to bring you chills inside, and suddenly, with not much effort, you remember exactly how you felt.

It was 8 years ago and it is still very fresh in my mind. I had to say goodbye to you only after few hours met. I was not prepared. When I look at your picture, I am filled with so much grief. It is unbearable knowing that you are only here in spirit now.

You gave me so much encouragement and support. I learned how to think like you, to act like you, to be like you. Making you proud was so important to me. The loss I feel for you is too great for words. It is difficult to imagine life without you.

You were a wonderful father. You taught me how to be strong and your strength lives on. There is an incredible emptiness without your presence. The only thing that keeps me going in this time of sorrow is my faith in God and the hope that one day I will see you again in heaven. InsyaAllah.

Al-Fatihah.

and I love her

This is Erja now.

i should have known better

Mak woke me up around 3:30 a.m. this morning.

“Dik, nenek sakit kuat. She is having difficulty to breath. Mak nak balik kampung. Adik ikut?”

There was a long pause from me.

“Mak boleh ajak Along atau Pak Teh? I have an important meeting to attend this morning”.

“Mak balik dengan Along. Erja ikut sekali, ya?”

I said OK and went down to pack baju for Erja.

Erja seems very excited even though she has to get up earlier than usual. I saw her packing Pinky (bear) and Emma (doll) in her PowerPuff Girls bag.

They left around 6:30 a.m.

While I was driving to work this morning, I thought of what I said to Mak. I was being selfish! Prioritizing my work above my family.

I remember few weeks ago, Nenek called me. She asked me why didn’t I to bring Erja back to Masjid Tanah on hari raya. She wanted to see Erja badly.

I feel horrible… horrible…

i came, i saw and i conquered

This is to certify that The Jamie has climbed the (Hugh) Low's Peak, the summit of Mount Kinabalu (4095.2 m) on 10 December 2005.

It was tougher than giving birth to Erja . I kid you not! But I did it!