guilty as charged

Not again. Why is this happening again? It is all my fault! I'm the one to be blamed.

Erja, I'm sorry for messing up your future!

searchin' my soul written by Vonda Shepard

(Ally Mc Beal Theme Song)

I've been down this road walkin' the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide
Oh I believe
I am ready for what love has to bring
Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

One by one, the chains around me unwind
Every day now I feel that I can leave those years behind
Oh I've been thinking of you for a long time
There's a side of my life where I've been blind and so...

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

Baby I been holding back now my whole life
I've decided to move on now
Gonna leave all my worries behind
Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to give
Got myself together now I'm ready to live

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in my life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home....

poor little girl

We went to back to my mom's kampung in Masjid Tanah for a wedding last weekend. All uncles and aunties decided to take the opportunity to visit my nenek and atuk. We left KL on Saturday around 3:00 p.m. and reached Masjid Tanah at 4:30 p.m. Erja was excited to meet all the cousins and played until maghrid.

After maghrib, suddenly Erja was not in her chirpy mood. She was purging and vomiting like nobody's business. I was panic. Hell yes! We brought her to the nearest clinic at Masjid Tanah town and pray that everything will be OK tomorrow. I wasn't sleeping at all that night just to monitor her.

The next morning, her condition was still the same. We brought her to see another doctor and guess what? He prescribed different kind of medicine pulak. I can see some improvement with the 2nd medicine. Erja didn't like the soy-base formula. Poor little girl...

I just can't wait to go back to KL and see Dr. Vernon.

danger zone

Love is dangerous. If you know it’s dangerous, that makes you treasure it, and you’ll work harder to keep it.

But relationships are out of your control. Love makes everything have more meaning. Then when someone takes it away from you, you’re fucked!

But, maybe what we want is wrong. Maybe what we want makes us uncomfortable.

And who knows?

another one from "the sex and the city"

Relationships are too intense. If you believe in love, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed. You just can’t trust anyone. Why not just be with your friends and have real conversations and a good time?

from "the sex and the city"

Love means having to align yourself with another person, and what if that person turns out to be a liability? And the more you’re are able to look back, the more you’re proven right in hindsight. Then you get further and further away having a relationship, unless something big comes along to shake you out of it – like your parents dying.

from Candace Bushnell - Sex and The City

the man in my life

It's Ayah's birthday. He turned 55 today if he still alive.

Happy birthday, Ayah. I love you forever!

where are you?

I was waiting for him, but no... he was with someone else!

reflection - after 31 years

I turned 31 today. He has not wished me yet. Maybe he doesn't remember... I was pissed jugak la. When we reached the car park, he looked at me and wished me happy birthday (phew -finally). Then, he kissed my forehead.

No gym today, because it's my birthday. I want to spend time with my husband and Erja. Can't wait for tonight. I don't have any idea what my husband has for me.

I love my husband, of course... who doesn't?

in my own writes

I've been reading a lot of blogs and The Gongkapas Times has been my favourite. Dina Zaman has an excellent skill in writing on relationships. I must say that she inspired me to start my own blog. My only reason creating the blog is for him to understand me better, if that ever happen.

I know that women can be very unpredictable and their mood swing a lot. However, I still believe that when one has been with a person long enough, he/she will be able to tell/predict what the other party needs from time to time.

the-jamie.blogspot will be the platform to express myself.

p/s - my 1st day in Gas Business